Beginnings can be exciting and just a little scary, endings can be sad or relieving...it's the middle of something that can be exhausting, the middle where it seems like the end is too far away or nowhere in sight. The marking of a beginning or end is the high probability of some sort of dramatic feeling that makes it distinct and it doesn't seem so long. The beginning of a sentence is highlighted by a capital...the end has a punctuation mark...the middle...well, most times we skim the middle to get on to the next thought. In cycle class I'm full steam ahead in the beginning and at the end I'm giving it my last push because it's the end. The hardest part is that 40 minutes in between where I have to stay focused and not lose form even though I'm tired. In those 40 minutes I am so not cute going up those never ending hills!
Such is life sometimes. When I'm in the middle of working on something and have to wait on things that are out of my control it is taxing. Unlike the beginning or the end it is harder to remember that God is in control and that He works all things for the good of those who love Him. Then when I do remember I wonder what is the time frame this time around for Him to get it going on the current situation. If I had a remote control for my life I would probably be hitting the fast forward button right about now because I'm sort of in the middle of something and I'm not quite sure what the outcome is going to be right now. It's nothing terrible or newsworthy, but it's enough for me to want to move forward a little quicker than normal.
I'm battling weariness today. I have been watching door after door close in the face of someone I absolutely adore and I'm really tired of seeing it happen. I see someone who I love who works so hard just continue to get pressed on every side without even a glimmer of tangible hope and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I talked about it to God on my way to pick up Izze from daycare and I said aloud in my car, "I'm tired of this...maybe I should just toss some things up in the air and not care where the chips fall" (as if my type A personality would allow me to be so reckless). I got to the daycare and went to my daughters cubby and took out her papers for the day and her Bible memory verse was right there in bold letters..."so let's not get tired of doing what is good." Gal. 6:9a NLT.
*Sigh*...ok...I'll keep going (as if I have a choice, stopping/quitting before it's time is never an option for me). I need help in the not getting tired while doing it part though.
Don't mind me, I'm just biking up a really long hill right now.
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